I can't believe it has taken me this long to write something. As for the silence, I have been so busy over the past couple of months and time goes so quickly. Remember when our parents told us that as we get older, time would go by faster? Well, they were right.
As quickly as time is going by, I'm reminded of getting older. The big 35 is approaching in the next few months, and I have to say, I thought things would look so different by now. As a young girl, and dreamer, I believed I would have two kids by the time I was 30. I would be a "young, hip mom", having play dates, going to kid's soccer games, and enjoying birthday parties.
Dealing with infertility definitely changes my way of thinking. I do believe I will be a mother one day. I do believe it will be one of the greatest gifts God will allow for us. I also believe it will have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with praising our God who will make this possible. Whether it is through having our own child naturally or through adoption, the child or children will be made by God in His perfect timing. He is the creator of all things, not us. It is just difficult to wait, and wait, and wait some more. Especially as you watch your friends children getting ready to start kindergarten, and you were a part of praying over them and their pregnancy 6 years prior.
As another mother's day passes and father's day approaches, it is a great reminder to appreciate all the blessings in our lives, whether Chris and I get to celebrate those days or not. I recognize how difficult these days can be to someone dealing with infertility. At church, mothers and fathers are recognized by having them stand and receive gifts. I am not saying this is wrong, but to someone who desires to be a mother or father, it can be a very sensitive and emotional day.
So, this year on mother's day, I was able to acknowledge all the blessings in my life. I am alive because God allows me to breathe. I am a daughter of the one true God and am able to share the love of Christ with others. I am grateful to be married to such an incredible man who gets me. I can share my experience of infertility with other women, and cry with them when necessary. I can express to others that I still have hope and faith to become a mother because God is not limited to what we can do or what medicines we have to take. I am blessed with my family and friends who love and support us. And on and on I could go.
With silence, I appreciate all that God teaches me. I recognize dealing with this emotional grief, I am loved.
May you be blessed and loved over this holiday weekend. May we recognize the freedom we have in this country and thank our troops for their service.